I've had a headache the last couple days. I'm determined not to take any BC powders today but I have work tonight and don't know if I can manage without one!
It's just a stress headache is all.
Things have gone surprisingly well at home with the whole Travis and I situation. We've been nicer to one another, lol. He sleeps on the couch for the most part and since we've both been working recently it's been easier to avoid certain awkwardness. Talking to Lindsey and Elisha about it has helped.
My mom brought me her cell phone to use... so now I have 2. Which is kinda weird. She had 600 minutes that she didn't need to I'll use her to call her and important places and mine for friends and whatever.
I have work in a little while, I just wanted to update the world on what's been up I reckon.
Things will get better, I know. Just have to be optimistic!

Travis and I had another talk last night and decided to mutually end our relationship. I know he's doing it because it's what I want but I think it's going to work out. I mean it has to right?
I have NO IDEA what we're going to do about living together and what-not. We can't afford to live apart. By the time tax season comes I'm hoping to have something figured out.
What the fuck. This can either be extremely weird or it could work.
If he were gay we could totally be like Will and Grace. Too bad.

::Edited, because I just wasn't done::

Now I have a knot in my gut for some reason. I am sooo sad but it's like I know I won't be really happy with Travis. But then I think I'm a single mom now and it's scary. You think things are great, you think you have a nice little family and WHAM, you're back to being just you. Which to me being single is pretty awesome, or it was when I was 18. Now I'm so used to another person always being around that I can rely on and talk to and have hold me.

The last thing I want to do is live with my mom and dad again. That would be the worst thing ever, in my mind. I love them but it just never worked before.
I'm just really confused and down and I have no idea where my life is going to go. I wish I could just get up and go somewhere and be alone. I can't though and I have to deal with that. I wonder where the breaking point is?
Oh I need a vacation. Bad bad bad bad bad bad.

Jordan turned 9 months on the 8th is 19.9lbs and 26 3/4inches long. She has her two front teeth now! Making 4 total. Hell yeah. And she's WALKING. Yup, she's walking. unassisted. My 9 month old, what the hell.

I am finally back working. I picked up 5 shifts in a row, so that's pretty sweet. I miss having my own money. And I really want to do something fun with one of my paychecks. I want to go hiking so bad! Or camping, or to the beach... or something... hmm. nothing is easy to do without a car!
But tax season is getting closer and closer, so I am waiting patiently. And then It's fucking on! I have so many plans. I loveeee to travel and do things outside or inside or just anything that is different and fun. Since I have two reasons to visit Florida I look forward to doing that. I want to go out on a boat, or scuba dive or swim with dolphins! That would be so awesome.

Ugh I still have 3 hours until I have to be at work. I just might go in early.

I have been watching The Jetsons and Flintstones on youtube and mannnn those shows are soooo awesome and I watch them and remember when I watched it on t.v. a while ago.
I just feel super nostalgic!!! Fall always makes me feel that way, and it' been fall for a week or so now but today it finally got chilly and I went for a nice walk just enjoying the nice coolness.

Yesterday Seth and Adelee got married. It was so beautiful, Adelee was beautiful, Seth was awesome too.



I got her at least halfway down the isle before my camera died.

And Jordan has been WALKING!! Straight up WALKING!



I know it's sideways but whatever. And at the end I banged her head in to the exersaucer, lol but I promise you she has a head of steel!

Today Stephanie is having a cook out, We're bring strawberry shortcake, mmmm. So that's gonna be fun. Brandy and James will be there along with the boys so Jordan can play with her cousins again and her BFF Alex. Damn I wish all my batteries weren't dead, I might buy some more later.

BC powders are so gross and they make my stomach feel all weird but they sure do get the job done!

I'm still slightly lagging from yesterday but not too bad. Got to my appointment 15 minutes early and was out of there really quick. Mommy and Me class was fun as usual. Jordan has been standing a little lately and she did it at mommy and me class all by herself and impressed everybody. Or I like to think so. She was just showing off. =P

Alex and Jordan. This picture is just awesome.


I took some pictures of Jordan playing with her cousins. They're big boys so they mostly wanted to play on the DS.
( Pictures from the last couple days )


I'm not very good about posting tons of pictures here. I have to upload them to photobucket and then use a lj-cut (yeah so hard) and then copy and paste each of them... Okay it's not that much work but still.
We went to the Hattiesburg Zoo on Saturday I think it was and that was cool. I got lots of really awesome pictures (thanks to Lindsey) and put them up on myspace and facebook.

My fingers hurt, not like my fingers but my fingernails. It happens when I'm up for long periods of time. Probably from working with my fingers so much when I'm bored and up.
Umm not much else.
Seth and Adelee wedding this Saturday and that should be fun!

Oh and I've been watching Melrose Place since it came back on and it's regular. I expected more I guess but what can I expect when they put Ashlee Simpson in it! Whoaoa! haha. I really liked her first couple of songs though... but she named her baby like OX or something. What in the world???

We went and visited Brandy and James at Brandy's mom Mrs. Margarets house last night at like 1 and stayed til 4am!!! So bedtime for me was around 4:30. Here I am up at 8:30, ready to go for my appointment and Mommy and Me class. Just have to get Jordan up real quick, clothe her, feed her and we're outta here!
I can't believe how functioning and un-shitty I feel. Awesome.
Oh and hanging out with Brandy was great. I got some cute pictures of Jordan playing with her cousins and I had some good conversations for Brandy. I really do like her a lot... just sometimes, you know girls get in to it and whatever.

Ok need to finish getting ready, just wanted to post how amazed at myself I am for being this functional after like 3 1/2- 4 hours of sleep!! and I don't even drink coffee!

Brandy and James are officially in Hattiesburg! And Travis is going apeshit crazy happy so even though it's nearly 12:30 at night we're about to go visit. And I have my appointment at 9:30 and mommy and me class at 10:30 so I will be super tired tomorrow but It will be worth it!
I'm just excited and anxious.

Stephanie is right, I am stressing myself out way too much about Brandy's visit. I guess it's just because we live differently that we used to and I want to prove myself... yadda yadda. I'm a good mom, housekeeper, girlfriend, person. I am! I swear it!
They should be here around 10 tonight. I know Travis and James are so excited to see one another but I think it might be tomorrow before they come over. Who knows. I'm not going to worry anymore, my house is spotless, as spotless as it can be having a 9 month old. We re-arranged the furniture too so our living room looks very empty. We took the bookshelves and put them in our bedroom.
I just keep worrying that Jordan is going to pull one on top of herself, but now our living room is BARE. If only we could get 2 end tables with lamps on them. That would be nice.

I got really aggravated this morning. It was one of those days, Jordan is being super fussy, I didn't get a lot of sleep. So I went for a walk and it started raining. Came home and THANKFULLY Jordan is now down for a nap. I'm crocheting and listening to music in nothing but my bra and leggings. I feel pretty damn comfortable.

So it rained on the first day of Fall. No surprise there really.

Ashley still hasn't' come gotten the bouncy seat for Mattie to use. I am still amazed at how brand new it looks. We sure did a good job of keeping it looking nice, Mrs. Margaret would be happy about that, seeing as she's the one that got it for us. haha.

Matthew Grey Gubler is so hot. I wish we could make some bebes together, or just practice!!! ;)

It's the first day of Fall! That makes me so happy!

Brandy and James are in Missouri at Travis's grandparents house right now. They're running a little behind so they're expected time of arrival is Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. Which means I still have time to prepare! I've gotten magic erasers and cleaned the walls, cleaned the tub, moped the bathroom and kitchen (although that seems like a daily chore hmmm) and gotten all the clothes cleaned. just need to fold them. I want my house to be PERFECT. And by God, it will be!

Wednesday I have an appointment early at 9:30, then Mommy and me class at 10:30. I'm hoping I'm not late! I don't even know what day Brandy is going to come by. I know James will want to come see Travis ASAP. It's cute how they talk on the phone for hours about Metallica and music in general. I mean, they are brothers... but Nick and James just don't seem that close. For obvious reasons I suppose...

This Saturday is Seth and Adelee's wedding. I think we have to be there at 11, I'm really not sure. Caitlyn or Seth's parents will be picking us up. I really have no idea though, I'm just going to dress up and be pretty and go and smile and congratulate! Haha! The only other wedding I've been to was Erica's (which I was in) and Matt and Coral's (I looked a hot mess).
I'm pretty apprehensive about it though, only because I'm just not sure what time anything is! I shall see.

I need to go buy some more hand soap, body wash and Gain. Mmm I love Gain, I love the way my clothes smell after washing them in it. Ahh.

Oh and I'm nearly done with my scarf! I'll post pictures when I'm done. I think it's going to be for Kaila. The colors just seem to fit her. It sure is fun to do and I don't have to fret over Christmas presents this year!

These were on sale at Walmart, Know what that means?! October is NEARLY HERE!!! I am so excited I could pee.
We got these two bad boys that we plan on making in to Jack o' Lanterns tonight.

I also took Jordan to the park today! We were able to enjoy it a whole 7 minutes before it started pouring on us. I got some good pictures though and a video of her in action.

Video


( Jordan's Park Experience )

After the park excursion we went to walmart and got stuff to make Taco salad! Lindsey and Corey are over so that will be funnnn.
Last night we cooked too with Des, Andy and some girl. A friend of Des's. We had grilled hamburgers, seasoned fries and broccoli and cheese, Mmmmmm.
Enough talk about food! I must go hang out with my company, and carve my pumpkin!!!!

I really think some people are just so stupid and disrespectful! Some guy rammed in to one of my neighbors' cars that then rammed in to 2 others! What a crazy thing to happen. If It had been my car I'd be PISSED. It was a purpose hit, the Truck that first got hit belonged to a cop and he figures it was somebody who had a grudge against him or something. It just sucks that because one asshole wanted to hurt one persons' car he had to hurt two others in the process. What a prick. I hope the cops can catch him with the info we gave them.
Ohhhh I love my complex. /sarcasm.

This morning Jordan and I went with Stephanie and Alex to Mommy and Me class. It was fun. I got to meet other moms and their babies and we learned some cute songs. Like "bumpin along in the little red wagon" and you put the baby on your knees sitting down and bump them, Jordan liked it. And at the end they have this little trampoline and each baby got on it and the mom's sang the no more monkey babies jumping off the bed song and then a bye bye song. It was freakin cute. And for two of the babies it was their first birthday and we got cupcakes and they got to blow out candles. It was unbelievably cute.
( Cuteness! )

I have t-mobile as my service provider. I have 600 anytime minutes and free nights and weekends starting at 9. I don't really talk on my phone much so it's worked out for me, but lately I've noticed I'm blowing through my daytime minutes! And I was like "What the hell is going on?"
I call my mom at 9 every night and usually do most of my phone talking to other family and friends then too, and last night I called my mom and I had a certain amount of minutes left, and I hadn't used my phone at ALL, but after I got off the phone with my mom I noticed that it had used some of my minutes!! So I checked my usage online and online it shows I called my mom at 8, when really I called her at 9 as usual. So I call and since it's in my dad's name he has to call, but she gave me a couple of reason as to why it was like that, which were all wrong. They have their time messed up or something, but I hadn't had this problem until like last month or so. So hopefully my dad can call them soon, but he's in India and is lucky to be able to still e-mail... we'll see. Still pisses me off! And I haven't had any problems with T-mobile at all.

Stupid Crap.

Jordan's voice changed on me! It's deeper. It just started yesterday, she now sounds more like Lily, the little girl upstairs. It's still cute though.

(  Jordan pictures, 8 months 1 week old )

Ohhh, I wanted to write in here so bad and now that I'm doing it I just don't feel like it anymore. But I will.
Brandy and James leave California tomorrow and they're going to Missouri to see the family up there and then here to drop the boys off, then to Pensacola to find a house then back to hang out. Travis is sooooo excited. He's like a little kid at Christmas. Understandable, he hasn't seen his brother in a while. I'm excited to see them too. I usually have a pretty tidy house but I've been going crazy lately cleaning everything. I still need to get some magic erasers for the walls, those things are the shit! It's gross how fast white walls can get dirty. I've thought of painting them, apparently we can at this complex, but I don't plan on being here too too long.
My mom came and saw me on Sunday. Bought me a dress and shoes for Seth's wedding and I bought myself a shirt that was secretly a maternity shirt. It makes me look super pregnant so I'll probably take it back. Haha.
( Clothes and stuff )

On a side note, I love my mom. She's the best one there is! She is a strong woman and I can't even imagine what I'd do without her. I am a lucky girl. Oh

Travis has been working a lot, getting overtime, which is awesome. I'm still not working. It's like 3 months now that I've been jobless. It's really weird but I'm finding myself settling in to housewife-ness more and more everyday. Just the little things I do. I want to go back to work and I hopefully will soon enough but for now I'm enjoying being home with my little girl.
It seems like i'm always washing clothes. And If I wait until the end of the week to do them then I have like 4 heavy loads. Ok now that i've written it out it doesn't seem so bad.

I've been listening to a lot of old Green Day and No Doubt. Travis and I were talking about it and he was like "Yeah like American Idiot" and I was like " no no no, OLD Green Day! come on fool!" We play, we play. But really Nimrod and Dookie, my favs. And old No Doubt, Tragic Kingdom? Yes, Ma'am! I wish I could pull off the platinum/blonde hair thing. I really can't.
I want one of those photobooth things that everybody seems to have for taking pictures. Then I won't have to take one handed pictures of me or me and Jordan.

I stopped breastfeeding a couple weeks ago and I didn't have too many problems stopping my lactation but man my boobs hurt today.

Travis made this compilation of videos of Jordan. It's so awesome, Please watch it!

I am a member of Babycenter.com and I love it. I love reading the forums and stuff, especially the debate team, but today a lady posted about her little girl she gave birth to via c-section on the 4th of July and it made me bawl. The doctor while cutting her open CUT THE BABIES FACE. There are pictures, pictures I'm not going to post because I can't stand to look at them and I'm sure the mom's on here don't want to see it either. The poor little baby. The lady who posted said the baby would pull at it and touch her cheek so she knew it hurt. My heart goes out to her, that is just heart breaking. I'm about to cry again if I don't end this but I thought that was FUCKED UP of that Doctor. How deep did he cut? I mean really now. The gash in the babies face is pretty big.
Sorry if this upsets anyone but it just saddened me so much, if anybody else is a member of Babycenter on here (which I'm sure somebody is) then I'm sure you've seen it.
My prayers go out to that family.


and on a lighter note! Ashley posted this on her myspace and it's SO FUCKING FUNNY.

http://melon.posterous.com/random-thoughts-from-25-35-year-olds

A guy I know on Facebook posted this. Crazy!

http://www.mid-day.com/news/2009/aug/230809-Lauren-Chingford-Essex-two-vaginas-medical-problems-World-news.htm

she has 2 vaginas, 2 wombs and 2 cervix's.

After my bitchy, whiny post (the 2nd in the same week!) I talked to Elisha who made me feel a lot better, and then Jordan finally went down for a nap and I tackled the mound of dishes in the kitchen. Ok, it wasn't really a "mound" but whatever. I did it, and I feel much better.
Tonight I'm going to ask my mom for $600 bucks so Travis can get off probation. I'm scared to ask, but when we took out a loan last year for Travis's lawyer my mom said (several months later), "Ya'll could have asked us for it, then you wouldn't have to pay interest!"
Well gee mom thanks for letting me know, 6 months later!
I am going to ask and if she says yes, then Travis will pay the bastards and he may have to finish his community service (which is about 150hours if even) and then he should be off probation!!!
Then maybe he can enlist like we've been talking about since, ohhhh 2007. Really it's the only thing for us. We've been talking about it for forever and the one thing stopping us is this legal shit. He's already taken his practice ASFAB and that other test... forget what it is. I have full faith in him.
I just need to get out of here. All too many times I've hoped for something just to be let down, I hope it won't happen again. I pray that by next year we'll be in a different boat! A better one!

Sorry for the emo blogs I've been writing lately. The older Jordan gets the more I fret over what she needs and what Travis and I need too. We need a different life, Hattiesburg and the people here are suffocating us. I love it here, don't get me wrong. We just need to do something, even if we don't more. A Change is needed. I just pray that the change will lead to good things.

Jordan usually sleeps very well. Around 10-12 hours at night and 2 naps a day. One about 2-3 hours after she wakes up and then another about 3 hours before she goes to bed. But tonight? Well it's 3a.m. and she's standing up in her crib trying to grab things off of her diaper cabinet. lol! It's a good thing I don't have anything to do tomorrow, unfortunately. I'm still waiting on canes to put me back on the schedule. Waiting... waiting... Alec is the most forgetful person ever. I will call him tomorrow as soon as I wake up.

I can see Jordan in her crib trying to take her diaper off. Now she's kicking her legs really fast. Ohh she is so cute and funny. I really love being a parent. It's a good thing I'm a night person.